Mojo Mom Podcast with Equally Shared Parenting

When Marc and Amy Vachon married and started a family, they could not have predicted that their personal commitment to each other to act as equal parenting partners would contribute to a growing social movement. But it has grown into a movement that Marc and Amy cover through their blog and their new book, Equally Shared Parenting. On this week's Mojo Mom Podcast, the Vachons stop by to talk about their co-parenting strategies and the benefits--for both Moms and Dads--of developing an egalitarian parenting partnership.

Equally Shared Parenting is one of the books I was most looking forward to reading in 2010, and the Marc and Amy did a great job with it. They build on their personal experience, interview other families, and draw on sociological research to show other families how they can move toward an more equally-shared parenting style.

I have learned a lot from Amy and Marc, and I hope you'll listen in to our conversation on this week's episode of The Mojo Mom Podcast.

Listen to the podcast now:

Mojo Mom Podcast with Michele Borba's Big Book of Parenting Solutions

This week I am excited to welcome Dr. Michele Borba to The Mojo Mom Podcast to discuss a wide range of parenting issues, as she introduces her latest parenting resource, The Big Book of Parenting Solutions. You've probably seen Dr. Borba on one of her many Today Show segments. I really appreciate her thoughtful, experienced, research-based approach to child-rearing and developing parent leadership. My favorite book of her previous works is 12 Simple Secrets Real Moms Know.

Listen to the podcast now:



Amy has been writing on her Mojo Mom Blog about the range of experiences students should have before they get to college. She and Patty Ayers talk about the important balance between exploration and knowing where you are going.

Then Mojo Mom welcomes leading parenting expert Dr. Michele Borba to the podcast. Michele Borba is the author of 23 books and a regular contributor to The Today Show. Her latest release is "The Big Book of Parenting Solutions: 101 Answers to Your Everyday Challenges and Wildest Worries." This encylopedic guide is organized by topic to give parents the specific solutions they need to address a wide range of issues for kids ages 3 to 13.

Mojo Mom Podcast and Equally Shared Parenting

I am excited about this week's Mojo Mom Podcast with guests Amy and Marc Vachon, experts on Equally Shared Parenting.

I've learned a lot from the Vachons, in particular the idea that Equally Shared Parenting is about parents being equally invested in their roles. It's not about scorekeeping and frequent-parenting miles, it's about taking ownership of your roles as family leaders.

Listen in to this week's show now:



It's the week after college graduation in North Carolina, and Amy asks her co-host Sheryl Grant about the ways that Sheryl's family helped her along the way as she worked toward her Master's Degree in Information and Library Science. We celebrate her success!

Then Amy talks to Equally Shared Parenting (ESP) experts Amy and Marc Vachon. ESP is currently reaching a tipping point in the media and society. It's so interesting to see how an outspoken couple can help advance a movement that has been built upon existing ideas and sociological research. Listen in as Mojo Mom asks for advice in her own family, and the Vachons get right to the heart of the matter. Then visit the Equally Shared Parenting website to learn more about the strategy that promises "half the work, all the fun."

Mojo Mom Chapter 7: Daddies as Mojo Partners

Chapter 7 of Mojo Mom is all about parenting partnerships. Gender roles still tend to come to the forefront in marriages once kids enter the picture (if not before). How can we continue to craft equitable relationships, in which each parent's needs are met, as well as raising happy kids?

Here are some of my favorite resources on this topic:

How to Avoid the Mommy Trap: A Roadmap for Sharing Parenting and Making It Work by Julie Shields. How to Avoid the Mommy Trap is an under-the-radar classic; definitely a must-read if you are interested in these issues.

The Seven Secrets of Making Marriage Work by John Gottman, Ph.D., and Nan Silver

How Can I Get Through to You? Closing the Intimacy Gap Between Men and Women by Terrence Real

The New Father: A Dad’s Guide to the First Year by Armin Brott

The Bitch in the House: 26 Women Tell the Truth About Sex, Solitude, Work, Motherhood, and Marriage edited by Cathi Hanauer

The Bastard on the Couch: 27 Men Try Really Hard to Explain Their Feelings About Love, Loss, Fatherhood, and Freedom edited by Daniel Jones.

Equally Shared Parenting website: Amy and Marc Vachon have some resourceful and enlightening thoughts on parenting partnerships. They have expanded my thinking quite a bit. Amy and Marc will be my guests on tomorrow's new Mojo Mom Podcast. I asked them for some advice and they got to the heart of the matter very quickly, and responded so kindly that I could take in what they were saying. The Vachons' Equally Shared Parenting book will come out early next year.

Mojo Mom and the Oprah Mom bloggers

This week's Oprah episode about The Secret Lives of Moms made me think about where I fit in to the constellation of motherhood writers.

The Oprah discussion really caught my attention because Mojo Mom was originally inspired in part by two Oprah episodes in the fall of 2002, where Naomi Wolf talked to small groups of women about "What Mothers Honestly Think about Motherhood" and "What Your Mother Never Told You about Motherhood." I appreciated the catharsis and truth-telling that went on, and I was surprised to see a backlash develop in the audience from other women who thought Moms should never complain about motherhood. At the time I was craving an honest conversation about motherhood, because my daughter had just turned three years old, and I was just starting to recover from burnout and get my mojo back. I decided to write the guide book I had wished I had when my daughter was born.

Back then, when I started researching Mojo Mom, many of the other books about motherhood were quite serious and academic. With the exception of Vicki Iovine's lighthearted Girlfriends' Guides series, I was mostly reading books like Naomi Wolf's Misconceptions, Susan Maushart's The Mask of Motherhood, and Susan Douglas & Meredith Michael's book The Mommy Myth. All good books, rooted mainly in feminst writing and sociology.

I wanted Mojo Mom to be thoughtful and well-researched, but written in a more conversational Mom-to-Mom tone, a book you'd be happy to give your sister or best friend for her baby shower, or discuss with your neighborhood Moms' group.

So just as I've reached my book launch with the updated Gotham Books edition of Mojo Mom, Oprah comes out with another show that is in theory very similar to the 2002 discussions.

But you can see how much lighter the conversation has become. It's all about truth-telling ("hilarious and outrageous" True Mom Confessions!), the down and dirty details of a Mom who peed in a diaper because she couldn't get out of the car on a road trip with children in the back. Actress Cheryl Hines talked about motherhood as an identity crisis, which I could really relate to, then showed off her home, her nanny, and her 5-year-old daughter's birthday party, with the mandatory alcohol to keep the adults happy (the whole "Mommy needs a drink" angle could be its own literary subgenre). Dooce came on an was her irreverent self, accompanied by other writers and bloggers from Momversation.

The guests experts on stage were Amy Nobile and Trisha Ashworth, authors of several books including I Was a Really Good Mom Before I Had Kids and I'd Trade My Husband for a Housekeeper. These guides come across as sugary confections with the cupcakes and gingerbread men on the covers. I can understand why they are popular, because some days we all need a bit of commiserating. But in my view they only go so far--like the whole Oprah episode. The show never quite took that next step past the funny stories, to talk about how we might actually get beyond black humor to make our lives better.

That's the niche I see Mojo Mom filling. I write about a path that starts with self-care but keeps moving forward from there, to developing a partnership with your spouse, to thinking about your lifelong career path, and directing your mojo into a leadership and activism.

So dessert is fine, and you may even want to eat it first, but once you get your fill of cupcakes I hope you'll check out my book to think about your own life and how motherhood fits into the bigger picture.


Mojo Mom may be just right for you if:

You are a mother of reinvention, in your personal or professional life.

You are going through a life transition, such as kids going to kindergarten or leaving the nest for college.

You are willing to explore creativity as a way to jump-start your mojo, even if you haven't always thought of yourself as "artistic."

You'd like to develop a true partnership with your spouse and want to know where to start.

You want to end the Mommy Wars and debunk the myths of Opting Out.

You have an entrepreneurial spirit.

You are a social or political activist, and you want to work for causes that will help all families.

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Who do I count as my writing peers now? Some of the women I read or interviewed for Mojo Mom include Karen Maezen Miller (Momma Zen); Cooper Munroe and Emily McKhann, founders of TheMotherhood.com; Joan Blades and Kristin Rowe-Finkbeiner, founders of MomsRising.org; Zainab Salbi, founder of Women for Women International, Amy and Marc Vachon of Equally Shared Parenting; and Dr. Pamela Stone, author of Opting Out? Why Women Really Quit Careers and Head Home. And I want to thank kindred spirit PunditMom for blogging about the Oprah show today, which inspired me to sit down and write out my thoughts, rather than go take a nap this afternoon!

Mojo Mom Podcast: Equally Shared Parenting

There is some positive mojo flowing today, and not a moment too soon--just in time for our last weekend of summer "vacation."

Did you hear that Utah is experimenting with switching state employees to four-day, ten-hour per day workweek in order to save money?

Many workers seem to like the change that makes every weekend a three-day weekend. My first reaction was, hmmmmm, how interesting that parents (and others) who want a 4-day schedule are often denied because employers think it would be too much of a hassle to allow people to change schedules, and yet the state of Utah has switched over 17,000 people.

Makes me think that we should keep making a business case for alternative work arrangements. Don't make it a personal favor; show your boss how it can save the company money. And it would be wonderful if bosses would meet us halfway with workplace flexibility by taking a "Let's see if we can make it work" approach rather than "Absolutely not."

Here is one of my brainstorms: telecommuting saves costs of gas, utilities, and rented space if it's done systematically. It could even help businesses stay open during a major flu outbreak or natural disaster. Why not get some experience with flexibility before a crisis hits?

So I was thinking about this and then I went to the Equally Shared Parenting website and saw that Marc Vachon had blogged on a similar program in Alabama as an opportunity for equally shared parenting (ESP).

Marc and Amy Vachon are my guests on today's new episode of The Mojo Mom Podcast, so it really felt like synchronicity.

My co-host Sheryl and I were really under the gun this week, so I honestly didn't feel like this was our best first-half segment ever, but Amy and Marc's interview was a winner, so I hope you'll listen in:

Mojo Mom and Equally Shared Parenting

Listen to the podcast now:


Amy and Sheryl debrief their summers and look ahead to a hectic school year that starts very soon.

Then Amy talks to EquallySharedParenting.com founders Amy and Marc Vachon. Mojo Mom had some questions about how shared parenting works in practice. Who better to answer than the Vachons, who practice ESP and write about it. Their family was even featured in Lisa Belkin's June 2008 New York Times piece, "When Mom and Dad Share It All."

Amy Vachon is a regular reader of the Mojo Mom blog, and I love that when I expressed some doubts about ESP in my recent podcast with Julie Shields, Amy jumped right in with a comment that led to this week's interview.